A couple of weeks ago, I had a really great conversation with my brother Thom about family. It was the kind of conversation that marinated in my brain for days afterward.
Okay, gonna talk about divorce AGAIN...I guess I've just come to an emotional sorting out point with much of this business, so bear with me...
(Is anyone running screaming from my blog yet?!)
One of the biggest losses that I've felt from the split was the loss of my family. Not my family that I was born into, but the family that I gained when I married M.
Family has always been important to me. My family loves each other fiercely - that is the best way to describe it. When M and I got married, he wasn't very close with his family. His half brother and sister were a few years older and lived in far away states. His parents lived WAY UP in northern Maine. I found myself with all of these new family members that I wanted to bond with, without the benefit of them being nearby to do so.
So I made an EFFORT.
I wrote e-mails, and I sent cards. I made presents for all of the children for Christmas. During our summer visits to Silver Bay, I took care of the kiddos, taught my sister in law how to knit, drank coffee with my brother in law and read books by my father in law while he painted on the porch.
I made meaningful connections.
My in-law family was enormously important to me - and I miss them greatly. The only person that I keep in touch with regularly is my sister-in-law, and I am so grateful that she continuously reaches out to me. As for the rest of them, there has been little to no contact - including a slew of nieces and nephews, some who I have literally watch grow up.
I've mourned their absence in my life.
Then I chatted with Thom...and I realized, I have a great family that I do not spend enough time with. I am constantly busy with work, and I've been trying so hard to just glue my life back together that months passed by in the blink of an eye.
The sibling relationship is not hard to maintain with my sister. We are either crazy connected or fighting, (sorry, Ren, LOVE YOU). But I find it harder to keep up with my brothers. Thom's little girl Cottrell was born, and it was 7 weeks before I made it to meet her even though we live a 45 minute drive away from each other. Mike suddenly moved to Milwaukee for a job opportunity, and I wasn't able to say goodbye. And well, *foot stamp*, I do not like that one bit.
So I am trying a little harder. I am making an effort to talk to each of my siblings and my mom and dad AT LEAST once a week, even if it is via text. Because life is too short to let the weeks keep flying by, and though I've lost so much, I still have an awesome family that deserves my attention.
4 comments:
Hi from a long-time follower! I've probably commented once or twice, but mostly I hang out in the sidelines, admiring your bravery and strength and appreciating your willingness to show your journey. Definitely not running and screaming yet. :D
I had that same realization the other day - it's easy to just say to yourself, "oh, I'll catch up with them later, they're always going to be around." So saying hello is now on my 10 things a day list. You're doing awesome at paying attention to what you have, so that will make it easier each day. =)
It is important to recognize loss but also important to recognize what you have. Wonderful resolution to keep your close ones close.
Also, not running screaming. :-)
Perfect timing........with Mike's B-day coming up I hope we all remember to reach out and give him a hey y'all.
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