Four years

Liam's story

One year

The anticipation of Liam's birthday this year has been particularly hard. I do not know why this year has been harder than any other, but there have been lots of tears over the past two weeks. When I was at work, on Tuesday, I walked by this cute family in the lobby of our studio; a mom, a little girl and a baby boy asleep in his carriage. Normally this is not a sight that would bother me, but as I walked past the baby stirred and like some cruel joke from the universe the mom says "Look, he's awake, good morning Liam!" "Hello Liam!" the little girl chimed right in after her mother. I couldn't run into my office and sob fast enough. Of all of the baby names in the world, that little boy had to be "Liam." Wrong place, wrong time, my little napping friend...

I have always been a person that relates to music in a very personal way. A song can conjure up such strong feelings for me, or take me back to a very specific moment in my life. My first dance class back from the loss, the instructor played "The Promise" by Tracy Chapman. Although I had heard this song many times before, the lyrics took on a whole new meaning for me at that moment. I left the room, and promptly cried. Ever since then, this song reminds me of my peanut, and I would like to share it with you today. When I listen to it, I imagine that it's a conversation that Liam and I would have in a dream, some place, some where.



If you wait for me
then I'll come for you.
Although I've traveled far,
I always hold a place for you in my heart.

If you think of me,
if you miss me once in awhile,
then I'll return to you.
I'll return and fill that space in your heart.

Remembering
your touch,
your kiss,
your warm embrace,
I'll find my way
back to you.
If you'll be waiting...

If you dream of me
like I dream of you,
in a place that's warm and dark,
in a place where I can feel the beating of your heart.

Remembering
your touch,
your kiss,
your warm embrace,
I'll find my way
back to you.
If you'll be waiting...

I've longed for you
and I have desired
to see your face your smile,
to be with you wherever you are.

Remembering
your touch,
your kiss,
your warm embrace,
I'll find my way
back to you.
Please say you'll be waiting.

Together again
it would feel so good to be,
in your arms,
where all my journeys end.
If you can make a promise,
if it's one that you can keep,
I vow to come for you,
if you wait for me.

And say you'll hold
a place for me
in your heart.


Happy birthday little man. I can't believe you would be four this year! Four! I've longed for you, your face, your smile, and I still love you so much, wherever you are.